I’ve sort of been avoiding this for a long time. And just writing these few open lines, it’s already making me sort of wobbly and sad.
So, as most of you should know, I’ve had this blog for a long time. Nearly three years now, and it’s been a wonderful run. There were hardships among my writing, but most of it was wonderful and I loved it— wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
And I’m so glad I decided to watch Doctor Who. My very first episode was when Martha and the Doctor go to meet Shakespeare. And so I regret to inform you all that this blog is probably going to be laid to rest for a while, probably never picked up again.
That smile was something he couldn’t believe he’d forgotten— perhaps not that much, maybe, but he felt he’d gone far too long without seeing it that basking in it now was akin to waking up from a dream. And here he was, thrusted upon something he’d gone too long without, living with his hearts so far away from the stars that they couldn’t hope to exist outside of those eyes, those hearts, that soul.
Eyes followed Ten’s subtle movement and he felt his feet fall one after the other, sinking into the warm earth below him. Part of him didn’t know whether he should be laughing or crying, just the gentle prickling behind his eyes, and he may have already been. Must have, for the moment he crossed any and all distance between them, he had wet eyes in the crook of his fiance’s neck. There, right there, right here— this was him at his best. Smiling, sniveling like the happy, emotional man he was.
“— I missed you.”
It hadn’t felt right in so long. Nothing felt right, but this did, and he couldn’t grip Ven hard enough; couldn’t push himself into the hug firm enough for his taste, although he was already very much clinging to his husband like a madman. Warmth exploded from the very center of his core, the tight knot slowly dwindling until it became his hearts, until he knew this was it- this was where he had lead himself. He’d trekked miles, hadn’t ate anything for days now, and this was what he was moving towards. Every bleeding ache he’d suffered, each time he’d slept in the cold….this was to find him, his husband. Like a beacon of light at the end of an undeniably long and dark tunnel, he knew his journey was coming to a close; his adventure could start again. “Ven, oh—!”
With every lungful of air that passed through him, the Doctor only brought himself that much closer, as if he knew it would heal him. And it did. It closed his mind to anything and everything but the man in his arms, the Doctor, his Doctor. He felt their hearts string together again, their connection grow beneath the haze of his silent thank-you; the younger pulled at that connection, let the barrier of their mental walls fall together in unison, each pull of that string making his blood sing. Soon enough his lips met Ven’s for a moment, only to let their foreheads come together, eyes hooding shut until the very last thing he seen was his husband; how it should’ve been.
“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you—” As much as it came out English, Gallifreyan too fell from his tongue, fully and blossoming with all of his undaunted love and affection for Ven.
[ SMS; ] BUT HOW HASNT HE WINSTON IS HUGE
[ SMS; ] WHERE DOES A FOX THAT SIZE HIDE FROM A LYCAN
Without error or inaccuracy, she’d brought him right where he needed to be. And that’s what stitched up his seams, righted him into holding up a straight spine and walking from place to place, battle to peace. She’s walked him right into Tenny’s life, over and over again. The one place in the universe that he knew his future led without needing to guess the TARDIS’ understanding of it. So he laughed, holding back gasps of relief, knowing that his other half was this much closer to him again. Space, that’s what he was afraid of. What he thought they needed to heal, but that wasn’t it at all. They needed a home, and strength, and understanding.
The older Lord poked his head out as he always did, eyes expecting wonder, and that’s what he received. Broken pieces of his soul fixed themselves then, when nothing else but seeing Tenny standing there would have anchored him.
"Was that what that was?” he quipped, holding off. Just barely. “She was getting carried away, our girl. Vortex couldn’t wait to spit her out. S’like a kid on Christmas. Oh! Christmas!”
It was a little bit funny how it felt as if everything was right, as if the seams in his hearts were tightly pulled back together, as if everything was alright— more than alright, they were brilliant. And he felt excited. Oh, that was a new one. When was the last time he’d felt that old thing? Like putting on a new hat, the younger tipped his chin up as Ven’s hand gripped the door, and then popped his head out and Oh—
Ten swore his hearts stopped beating. Everything stopped. Immediately upon meeting his gaze a sloppy smile was splitting the Doctor’s lips, and he immediately gripped the edge of the TARDIS; there was mere inches between them. “Christmas—….” It seemed so long gone. Everything felt far away now, sucked into some unknown pocket of his past, something he squinted in order to remember- but those memories with Ven, as if they became beacons of hope, shined out beautifully at him and he remembered; yes, Christmas. He’d gotten Ven a ring, a form fitting ring. And he’d gotten…. Ten’s hand immediately went to the pendant at the hollow of his neck. “Christmas.”
Dalek Empire 3.6 - The Future (released Oct 2004)
Before he was cast as the Doctor, David Tennant (playing a character named Galanar) delivers a rousing Doctor-like speech to the Dalek Emperor.
Happy Valentines Day. I realize that it’s a holiday for humans, for those that buy cards and chocolate, for those with singular hearts; but it’s also for those that have loved ones. And for a very long time, I used to think I wasn’t capable or deserving to have loved ones. And you showed me different. You took my hand and my hearts followed, and they’re still with you today— including my hand. I haven’t gotten you anything, I don’t have anything to give (I’m sort of out of commission at the moment, don’t tell the companions), but I do have me: my entire being. So I’m yours, as I’ve always been, and I encourage you to indulge as much as you’d like. For now a friend of mine as kept my TARDIS safe and sound, and if you’d like, you could meet me with yours in Beacon Hills. I’ll find Derek, and we can move into yours. My future is with you, and staying in mine isn’t the future, but the past and the past is quite heavy.
I love you, Ven. You’ve shown me a different life, and this is the one I choose: with you. Always, with you. I’m in Beacon Hills, backpack filled with only the essentials (books, my sonic, a few jelly babies) and this is my letter to you, encouraging you to find me. I have no idea if you’ve ever been to Beacon Hills, but I assure you, there are many places to hide. Find me, Theta Sigma. Find me, and let’s start new.
His hearts never brightened as much as they did when Ten left him something to find. Words never meant anything more than a puzzle, a riddle, bits and pieces to place in the right order, until Ten formed them so wonderfully that it bloomed his chest with warmth.
Lips were bitten raw, his hands twisting so quickly he hadn’t even realized he was tossing them over plotters and levers. Nothing had ever been so important to him in all his lives, not as much as finding that man waiting, watching. All for him.
His TARDIS, Ten’s TARDIS, Earth, a million light years away— it didn’t matter where they were. Emptiness filled his throat when the younger Lord wasn’t around. Life was only going through the motions. Seeing the stars was a complete dullness in comparison to how much he yearned for light, and that’s all Ten was to him. Light. Passion. Love. So many things wrapped into one.
“Beacon Hills, ey?” She felt him, his TARDIS. Laughter fell from his lips because she knew. She’d been waiting. “Time to meet him, old girl. Just a tick.”
The wheezing took him off guard. It shook him from his sleeping stupor, something he did often these days ( Sleep, his old self would’ve shuddered at the thought of it), and made him stand with a surprised yelp. His coat, or what would’ve been his coat, suddenly disappeared as it materialized on top of it. It; She; Home. All synonymous. And all roads leading back to Ven. It felt like air filling his lungs, as if he’d only realized just now that— Yes, you can breath. It’s alright. And he did so; breath. Not a moment after, despite his instincts to scimper inside, he stayed right where he was, even when the doors creaked open.
“You nearly parked right on top o’ me, did you know tha’ you barmy sod? Righ’ well over my jacket.”